A. Dick Nowakowski Takes 115th Spot in 10k Olympic Tune-up Race

Amateur magician and distance runner A. Dick Nowakowski placed 115th overall in the November Kneeknocker 10 k held in Oakville, Ontario on the weekend, a race that he referred to as an “Olympic tuneup event”. Nowakowski noted that he has been training for the 10 km race for seven years, and has his sights on Beijing in 2008. “I felt good out there,” stated Nowakowski, who finished with a time of 1:08:37. “You don’t want to go out to fast. 10k is a long haul. Sprint out of the gate and those late chargers will get you in the end.”

Despite Nowakowski’s strategy, 13 out of 14 competitors in his age group managed to get him in the end. Nonetheless, Nowakowski insisted that the race was a success. “I ran my race, which is what I’ll have to do to have a chance of beating the Kenyans in ‘08. Stride count was good and my new Nowakowski Air Monkey shoes, which I designed myself, felt great. I was able to shave 8 minutes off my previous personal best.”

Nowakowski seemed to flinch slightly when informed that the Athens Olympic champion over 10 km, Kenenisa Bekele, finished his race in 27 minutes 5 seconds, a full 40 minutes faster than Nowakowski’s Oakville time. “He was actually at the Olympics – I’m just training for the Olympics. Of course he was faster.” noted Nowakowski, “There is a crucial difference there. Plus it is windier here, and also that guy probably didn’t have to deal with middle aged women in his race who are impossible to pass when they take smoke breaks right on the course.” This last comment by Nowakowski’s was questioned openly by onlookers as all ten runners in the women 40-44 years of age category finished ahead of Nowakowski. In addition, only three of the women were smokers.

Still, Nowakowski remained resolute in his conviction. “Based on the strides I am making, there is no doubt I can cut – what was it 40 minutes? Jesus. Anyway, there’s no doubt that I can cut 40 minutes off my time by 2008.”

Members of the athletics community were equally divided on Nowakowski’s chances of shaving from his time the 39 minutes required in order to qualify for the Canadian Olympic team and travel to Beijing. “I like his chances if he’s 75 and they introduce age-related categories at the Olympic trials,” said Wade Williams of Enormous Runner Magazine. “I think he’s ugly,” opined Rob Shipcott of Vogue.

A spokesperson for Bekele opted not to offer any comment on Nowakowski’s race result, although he did confirm that Bekele intends to defend his title in 2008. The full table of Kneeknocker results can be found at:

http://www.chiptimeresults.com/results/2005/kneeknocker10k.htm