A. Dick Nowakowski Challenges National Ballet Principal Dancer to a Dance-off

Eminent industrialist and self-taught dance impresario A. Dick Nowakowski has issued a dance challenge to National Ballet of Canada Principal Dancer Guillaume Côté, pledging to best Côté in an “old-fashioned dance-off”. A. Dick Nowakowski Sports & Entertainment spokesman Henry White announced Tuesday that Nowakowski would “outdance Côté any time, any place.”

Mr. Nowakowski, whose resumé includes three improvised one-man shows in non-traditional venues and one abbreviated stint as a backup dancer for Terrence Trent D’Arby, presented himself for a photo session with press photographers Monday. During the entire 1 ½ hour duration of the event, Mr. Nowakowski refused to speak, offering only menacing glares at those assembled. He also wore a t-shirt that featured a crude hand-drawn illustration depicting Mr. Côté being bitten by a dog.

Mr. Côté, for his part, trained at the prestigious National Ballet School, where he was awarded both the Peter Dwyer and the Erik Bruhn Awards and has since appeared in over 50 performances with the National Ballet. Mr. Côté seemed bewildered when asked for comment on the challenge. “To be honest,” said Mr. Côté, “I can’t say I know who that is. I’m not sure the National Ballet is big on dance-offs, but I could look into it.”

Undeterred by continuing tepid reviews of his latest dance offering “The A. Dick Dance”, Mr. Nowakowski through Mr. White maintained that his “cutting edge choreography will expose Côté for the pampered fraud that he is”. Mr. White also noted that Mr. Nowakowski continues to refine the A. Dick Dance, and has recently eliminated a sequence involving an assortment of birds of prey feeding on family pets, which had apparently left some reviewers squeamish.

As of Tuesday, Mr. White was unable to provide details as to how tickets to the dance-off would be distributed, or what the size of the purse would be. He was able to confirm that he suspected that Mr. Nowakowski would not involve the birds of prey when the time comes.