Documentary Filmmaker wanted to film San Diego Rally

I am desperate to locate a talented young filmmaker that has a camera and is willing to travel to San Diego to film a rally that I am organizing. On Saturday, May 8th, the Temple of the Club-footed Yeti has organized a rally of clowns from across the nation and abroad to kick off the Nepalese Year of the Yeti. To mark this momentous occasion, we will be marching on Seaworld San Diego to protest the continuing occupation of Nepal and the use of performing seals in place of clowns in many of Seaworld's acts. You may not have heard of us, but I can assure you that our Temple is quite popular in Nepal. It is a little known fact that many Sherpas perform as clowns for the Chinese occupation troops during the climbing off-season. I first encountered the entertaining antics of these pint-sized clowns on a climbing expedition to the Himalayas in 1997. Although the expedition ended in disaster, I did come away from the trip with a new found respect and love for the art of clowning. I have been a clown ever since. If you are interested in filming this sure to be raucous event please contact me at dicknowakowski2003@yahoo.ca. Serious inquiries only please.

Dick "Big Top Bucky" Nowakowski

The Nature of Things

Date: Thu, 8 Apr 2004 13:47:51 -0400 (EDT)
From: "A. Dick Nowakowski" Add to Address Book
Subject: The Nature of Things
To: dicknowakowski2003@yahoo.ca

From: "Dawn Evigard" <evigard@natureofthings.com>
To: dicknowakowski2003@yahoo.ca
Date: Wed, 07 Apr 2004 16:03:30 -0500
Subject: The Nature of Things

Dear Dick,

Thank you for your letter. While unfortunately we cannot use your story on our program, we do think that it is important for you to seek assistance to help you deal with your difficulties. There are any number of trained professionals in the Toronto area who would be pleased to discuss the risks arising from the surgery that you are proposing and who can help you understand the real causes of the difficulties that you are experiencing. They will also be able to suggest alternatives such as hormonal therapy or emotional damping which may be equally effective, thought much
less invasive. If I can be of any assistance, please give me a call at (416) 205-3700 (main switchboard).

We wish you the best in the future and especially good luck in the 2005 World Cup of Shaving.

Yours sincerely,

Dawn Evigard
Producer
The Nature of Things

Clowns of the World Unite

Date: Wed, 28 Apr 2004 12:39:05 -0400 (EDT)
From: "A. Dick Nowakowski" Add to Address Book
Subject: Re: Clowns of the world unite
To: IMSKEETER1@aol.com

Skeeter,
Thanks for your reply. I would have responded to you sooner but I was only released from the county lock-up yesterday. In response to your question, I am affiliated with the Temple of the Club-Footed Yeti. You may not have heard of us, but I can assure you that our Temple is quite
popular in Nepal. It is a little known fact that many Sherpas perform as clowns for the Chinese occupation troops during the climbing off-season. I first encountered the entertaining antics of these pint-sized clowns on a climbing expedition to the Himalayas in 1997. Although the expedition ended in disaster after I set off a large explosion (no one told me that you were not allowed to light your cigarette next to the tent with the oxygen tanks), I did come away from the trip with a new found respect and love for the art of clowning. I have been a clown ever since.

What inspired you to become a clown?

Big Top Bucky


--- IMSKEETER1@aol.com wrote: >

Dick,
What temple are you affiliated with. As far as insurance for clowns, the only one I know is liability insurance through Clowns of America International.

SKEETER

----------------Original Message -----------------

Date: Thu, 15 Apr 2004 14:42:37 -0400 (EDT)
From: "A. Dick Nowakowski" Add to Address Book
Subject: Clowns of the world unite
To: jayjay360@hotmail.com

Dear Mr. Joseph,
I am a somewhat disgruntled and largely out of work semi-professional clown residing in Ontario, Canada. I am writing to you to express interest in setting up a Canadian chapter of the Midwest Clown Association. As a group, we have been neglected and discriminated against far too long. It is a little known fact that Canadian clowns are routinely denied access to public health care after sustaining job-related injuries. Just last month, I was turned away from our local hospital after having been bitten by the pony at a child's birthday party. To add insult to injury, the parents stiffed me on my fee and pressed charges of public intoxication against me. Quite frankly, I am fed up with the system. It is time that our Parliamentarians sit up and listen to our collective voice. Can we count on your support?

If not, can I still become a member of the Midwest Clown Association?

Best Regards,

Dick "Big Top Bucky" Nowakowski

From: "everest"
To: "'A. Dick Nowakowski'" dicknowakowski2003@yahoo.ca
Subject:RE: Expedition to Everest
Date:Fri, 30 Apr 2004 10:37:05 -0400

Dick,
spring....
Also, is the rumour true that many Sherpas spend the climbing-off season performing as entertainers for thechinese occupation troops? never heard of that... let us know how it goes...

Best Wishes

George Martin
General Manager
everest@voyager.net
www.everestnews.com
www.everesthistory.com
Sponsored by www.everestgear.com
www.everestspeakersbureau.com
www.k2news.com

-----Original Message-----
From: A. Dick Nowakowski [mailto:dicknowakowski2003@yahoo.ca]
Sent: Thursday, April 29, 2004 12:49 PM
To: sales@everestnews.com; everestnews@adelphia.net
Subject: Expedition to Everest
Dear Sirs:
I am an avid mountaineer, and part-time clown. I am trying to organize an expedition to Everest for 2006. What is the best time of year to climb Everest? Also, is the rumour true that many Sherpas spend the climbing-off season performing as entertainers for the chinese occupation troops? I look forward to your reply.

Warmest Regards,

A. Dick Nowakowski, Esq.
Alpinest Extraordinaire

Wing Cup 2004 - Have you got room for the Monkey Man?

Hey D&D,

What do I have to do to be invited to qualify for Wing Cup 2004?
I am a bootylicious 5 foot 10, 325 lbs and have a pet monkey named Andre. I am a decorated veteran of numerous local pie eating contests. I recently consumed 18 hard shell tacos from Taco Bell with hot sauce in one sitting without breaking a sweat and can chug an entire bottle of extra virgin olive oil.

I think what will set me apart from the other contestants is the fact that Andre will sit in my lap during the competition and feed me the chicken wings. I don't think you have ever had a live animal participate in past Wing Cup competitions. This could be a first for everyone involved. Are you interested?

Dick "The Monkey Man" Nowakowski

P.S. The Coffee Bean promotion idea that I sent to you guys a while ago has not panned out as well as I had hoped. If you recall, until recently, I was the self-proclaimed President of a struggling importer of Monkeylicious coffee beans. The coffee beans have not been selling well. As it turns out, and contrary to our market research, North Americans appear to prefer coffee beans that have not been passed through the digestive tract of Indonesian monkeys. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Join the Circus

Date: Thu, 8 Apr 2004 12:43:45 -0400 (EDT)
From: "A. Dick Nowakowski" Add to Address Book
Subject: Join the Circus
To: ConeyIslandTodd@aol.com

Dear Professor Todd:

I am an aspiring lounge singer currently residing in Las Vegas. Unfortunately, my career is floundering. It seems that no one is interested in booking a lounge singer with a monkey act. I have always had an interest in running away to join the circus. Is it true that I would have start by shovelling elephant poop and then work my up from there?

Regards,

Dick "Golden Throat" Nowakowski

Monkey Trouble

Date: Wed, 7 Apr 2004 12:34:47 -0400 (EDT)
From: "A. Dick Nowakowski" Add to Address Book
Subject: Monkeys
To: Hajiboy2001@yahoo.com

Hello Hello,

I read you post with great interest. I also have had monkey troubles and do not know what to do. I have a 4 year old green vervet named Andre that I adopted as a pet a little over 2 years ago. Things had been going great until about two weeks ago when Andre started peeing on my wife's pillow and occaisionally throwing his own poop at her. As I am a chronic bedwetter myself, I have gotten used to the pee smell but the poop throwing has to stop. It is threatening to destroy my already tenuous marriage.

In addition to his fecal faux pas, Andre has also taken to becoming amorous with my wife's leg.
Interestingly enough he seems to prefer my wife's left leg over her right one. I don't know if this provides any insight into his inappropriate behaviour, but it is fascinating nonetheless. After he has started in on her leg, any attempt to remove him results in a lot of screeching and teeth nashing (from the monkey and my wife). When he does this I am inclined to just let him finish his business. His teeth are sharp and I am concerned about being bitten. Last Christmas I lost a small piece of my ear-lobe when Andre got a little excited during rehearsals for my one-man/one-monkey comedy show and bit me. Andre was perched on my shoulder at the time when my 8-year old niece accidently hit him with a blast from a seltzer bottle I use in my act. Needless to say, he was not happy about the facial soaker. I have since dropped him from my act, and am now concentrating on landing a gig as a lounge singer in Vegas.

Have you had any success in curbing Haji's aggressive behaviour?

Regards,

Dick Nowakowski,
A former friend to the monkeys.

Katarina the Cat Lover

From: "Katarina Vitte"
To: dicknowakowski2003@yahoo.ca
Date: Wed, 07 Apr 2004 16:03:30 -0500
Subject: Animal Rights

Dick,

As an avid defender of feline rights and an owner of seven cats, I am appalled that you would ever let your monkey have relations with your cat. If I knew where you lived I would report you to your local Humane Society. You are a disgusting human being. You and your filthy simian should be institutionalized. I am writing this with tears in my eyes and pain in my heart.

K.


P.S. I hope little Andre bites your remaining ear off.

From: "Global Vision International"
To: "'A. Dick Nowakowski'"
Subject: RE: Beat the gap year blues - Seychelles, Namibia, Mexico and South Africa
Date: Thu, 8 Apr 2004 10:44:45 +0100

Hi Dick,
We have availability at the Vervet monkey sanctuary in South Africa from October onwards.

Kind regards

James Scipioni

Volunteer Coordinator
Global Vision International
info@gvi.co.uk
www.gvi.co.uk
Tel: 0870 608 8898
Int: + 44 870 608 8898

-----Original Message-----
From: A. Dick Nowakowski [mailto:dicknowakowski2003@yahoo.ca]
Sent: 07 April 2004 17:21
To: info@gvi.co.uk
Cc: anowakowski@millerthomson.ca
Subject: Re: Beat the gap year blues - Seychelles, Namibia, Mexico and South Africa

Dear Sirs/Mesdames:
Thank you for your email. Are there presently any opportunities to work with vervet monkeys? Although I do like giraffes, I really had my heart set on working with monkeys. Please advise.

Best regards,

Dick Nowakowski,
A friend to the monkeys.

Zumanity

Date: Mon, 5 Apr 2004 12:49:34 -0400 (EDT)
From: "A. Dick Nowakowski" Add to Address Book
Subject: Cirque du Soleil - Zumanity Casting
To: casting@cirquedusoleil.com

Dear Sirs/Mesdames:

Hello, hello. I have been a big fan of the Cirque du Soleil for many years. I am responding to your request for submissions for a circus or variety act for the upcoming Zumanity show in Las Vegas. I recently relocated to Las Vegas with my wife of 27 years. For the last 5 years my wife and I have been touring around the Midwest performing a "shock and awe" circus act entitled "A Man, a woman, and their monkey". I would be happy to send you a tape of our second last performance, which took place in the parking lot of the Mall of America in Bloomington, Minnesota. (Unfortunately, we were unable to tape our latest performance as our video camera was damaged in the scuffle with mall security that ensued at the conclusion of our Mall of America finale)

As I do not believe the Cirque has ever employed a green vervet monkey in its shows, I think this would be a wonderful opportunity for the Cirque and our monkey, little Andre. To whom should we send our audition tape and resume?

Regards,

Dick Nowakowski
A fan of the Cirque and a friend to the monkeys